Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
