There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
