hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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