My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize