just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
