Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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