the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
