i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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