Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
