my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize