no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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