we have pet lesbian snakes
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she looked like the before picture.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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