i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
