question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
