So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize