If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
