i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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