Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
