why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
