but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
