Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
