I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
