Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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