You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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