He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
