apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
