Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
