Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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