Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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