I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
