I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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