So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
