YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
