I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
