we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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