I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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