i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I had to cum in my sink.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
