Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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