that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
