Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
