I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
