I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
