People with herpes should wear stickers.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
