I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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