Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my being single is dangerous.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
