So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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