Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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