11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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