if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
