A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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