If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
