went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
