It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
