I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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