Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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