we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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