I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
