the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
