saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
