A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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