Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
