allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
