i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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