He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
