I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You're like the curious george of whores
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
