it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
