Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
