I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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