Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
