He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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