She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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