I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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