upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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