He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
