I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
