idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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